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Ni tape, ni punition ! Des paroles et des câlins ! Par Monique Busquet

Publié le 31 janvier 2017 à 15:35

Ni tape, ni punition ! Des paroles et des câlins ! Par Monique Busquet

Psychomotricienne

A l’heure où la loi qui interdit la violence éducative et la fessée fait encore polémique, il est essentiel de communiquer et partager à ce sujet.

Nombreux parents, mais aussi certains professionnels pensent qu’une fessée ou une petite tape sur les mains n’a jamais fait de mal à personne. Cela leur paraît être le moyen le plus simple et efficace de faire comprendre à un bébé ce qu’il ne doit pas toucher par exemple.

Cette pratique a heureusement disparu des établissements d’accueil, les professionnels ont intégré que cela leur est absolument interdit. Mais parfois au fond de chacun de vous, peut-être que cela n’est pas si clair…

Pourtant soyez en sûrs : donner une petite tape « même légère » sur les doigts est un contre-message et cela aboutit à l’effet inverse.

En effet, que comprend un enfant lorsque l’adulte se permet une tape pour lui signifier son mécontentement : il voit que l’adulte tape lorsqu’il n’est pas content et veut obtenir quelque chose!

Or vous savez que les enfants apprennent par imitation. Nos actes sont plus forts et ont plus de poids que nos paroles. Ils vont donc imiter ce que nous faisons. Une fessée, comme une petite tape donnent en modèle les coups et la force physique au lieu des mots… Pourquoi et comment leur dire de ne pas taper si nous tapons nous-mêmes ? Quelle crédibilité ont alors nos paroles ?

Mais alors? Comment faire comprendre aux enfants les interdits lorsqu’ils n’obéissent pas ? Que pouvons- nous faire ? Les punir, les « mettre au coin » ? Non plus !

Parce qu’ « une punition », est pensée pour « embêter » l’enfant : cherche à lui faire vivre quelque chose de désagréable pour qu’il comprenne qu’il ne doit pas faire lui-même quelque chose de désagréable. C’est un peu « œil pour œil, dent pour dent » ! Là encore l’enfant risque d’imiter les comportements de l’adulte : « quand on n’est pas content, on cherche à embêter ». Ce n’est pas ainsi qu’un enfant intègre les règles, les interdits et le respect de l’autre.

Alors, que faire ?

Dire non et le répéter, empêcher l’enfant de toucher ou taper, avec une autorité claire et confiante, est beaucoup plus efficace et éducatif. Lui parler, l’écouter, le comprendre, accueillir ses émotions, sa colère, ses envies, continuer à communiquer, le prendre dans ses bras pour l’aider à s’apaiser.

Il a besoin de l’aide de l’adulte pour réguler ses émotions, il a besoin d’être accompagné lorsque sa curiosité, sa frustration, son énervement ou sa colère le débordent.

Plus un enfant reçoit des tapes, plus il tapera aussi.Plus vous montrez de la bienveillance, de l’écoute, de l’acceptation, de l’empathie vers ce qu’il ressent, plus cet enfant fera comme vous avec les autres.

Faites-lui confiance !

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